There isn't much in life that is going to devastate you like a spouse cheating. This is a person you've trusted with everything, after all. Nothing cuts quite so deep.
But, like anything else, you can survive this. You might take some solace in knowing there are many people out there in the same boat as you are. I am a personal survivor of infidelity. I know of what I speak. It can be done. You have to rely on yourself. That can be the hardest thing you have to understand.
Here's what's crucial that you need to know:
Don't be an ostrich.
Don't attempt to minimize how significant it is in your life. This also lets your spouse off the hook and may add to your misery. You may wish upon a thousand stars, but the facts are the facts. You've caught a spouse cheating. Now the question becomes: what are you going to do about it?
Talk about it.
You're going to need to be around people and situations you can completely trust right now. Seek them out. Use them as a sounding board. But, don't let it become a slug-fest as what a low-down-good-for-nothing your partner is. That's useless. You're looking for constructive action that's going to lead you to a better spot in your life. The rest is just grist for the mill.
Understand why it happened.
No way, Jose. Look. All couple have problems. That's doesn't mean you lose track of your commitment to each other and hop in bed with someone else. After you've caught your spouse cheating, they may attempt to lay some of the blame at your feet. No thanks.
Let go of the past.
You have to do this to survive. Otherwise, you're going to be driven directly to the nuthouse. You've caught your spouse cheating. What about now? What are they saying? What is their intent? If they are still pursuing the affair, then adios. But, more than likely want they want is a better relationship with you. How you going to get there?
Let the destruction live somewhere else.
It's normal to consider suicide. Research has shown that all the parties involved in spouses cheating do it. You want the pain to end, and it seems like the solution. It isn't. The pain is going to pass - do you really want to make a monumental decision like this based on pain that eventually will stop? And what of those you leave behind, including your children, friends, even your spouse? Don't do that to them.
Enjoy some fantasies about revenge, then let them go. Sure, you'll want to get back at him. Who wouldn't? Indulge yourself a little by thinking about how you'd do it. An affair of your own with that guy from the office? E-mailing all your friends with the sordid details? But don't actually do it (and don't spend too much time thinking about it). The only one that hurts is you.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
When you've caught a spouse cheating the emotional trauma may even linger in some places inside forever. But, you can live to see another day. I have.
But, like anything else, you can survive this. You might take some solace in knowing there are many people out there in the same boat as you are. I am a personal survivor of infidelity. I know of what I speak. It can be done. You have to rely on yourself. That can be the hardest thing you have to understand.
Here's what's crucial that you need to know:
Don't be an ostrich.
Don't attempt to minimize how significant it is in your life. This also lets your spouse off the hook and may add to your misery. You may wish upon a thousand stars, but the facts are the facts. You've caught a spouse cheating. Now the question becomes: what are you going to do about it?
Talk about it.
You're going to need to be around people and situations you can completely trust right now. Seek them out. Use them as a sounding board. But, don't let it become a slug-fest as what a low-down-good-for-nothing your partner is. That's useless. You're looking for constructive action that's going to lead you to a better spot in your life. The rest is just grist for the mill.
Understand why it happened.
No way, Jose. Look. All couple have problems. That's doesn't mean you lose track of your commitment to each other and hop in bed with someone else. After you've caught your spouse cheating, they may attempt to lay some of the blame at your feet. No thanks.
Let go of the past.
You have to do this to survive. Otherwise, you're going to be driven directly to the nuthouse. You've caught your spouse cheating. What about now? What are they saying? What is their intent? If they are still pursuing the affair, then adios. But, more than likely want they want is a better relationship with you. How you going to get there?
Let the destruction live somewhere else.
It's normal to consider suicide. Research has shown that all the parties involved in spouses cheating do it. You want the pain to end, and it seems like the solution. It isn't. The pain is going to pass - do you really want to make a monumental decision like this based on pain that eventually will stop? And what of those you leave behind, including your children, friends, even your spouse? Don't do that to them.
Enjoy some fantasies about revenge, then let them go. Sure, you'll want to get back at him. Who wouldn't? Indulge yourself a little by thinking about how you'd do it. An affair of your own with that guy from the office? E-mailing all your friends with the sordid details? But don't actually do it (and don't spend too much time thinking about it). The only one that hurts is you.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
When you've caught a spouse cheating the emotional trauma may even linger in some places inside forever. But, you can live to see another day. I have.
About the Author:
Want to find out more about Surviving Infidelity, then visit Stan J. Van Sant's site on how to survie Spouse Cheating
My husband and i got Married last year and we have been living happily for a while. We used to be free with everything and never kept any secret from each other until recently everything changed when he got a new Job in NewYork 2 months ago. He has been avoiding my calls and told me he is working,i got suspicious when i saw a comment of a woman on his Facebook Picture and the way he replied her. I asked my husband about it and he told me that she is co-worker in his organization,We had a big argument and he has not been picking my calls,this went on for long until one day i decided to notify my friend about this and that was how she introduced me to Mr James(Worldcyberhackers@ gmail. com) a Private Investigator who helped her when she was having issues with her Husband. I never believed he could do it but until i gave him my husbands Mobile phone number. He proved to me by hacking into my husbands phone. where i found so many evidence and proof in his Text messages, Emails and pictures that my husband has an affairs with another woman.i have sent all the evidence to our lawyer. I just want to thank Mr James for helping me because i have all the evidence and proof to my lawyer,I Feel so sad about infidelity.
ReplyDeleteI suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s phones Text messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via email(worldcyberhackers@gmail.com) or Text/call : +12317945543
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