There isn't much in life that is going to devastate you like a spouse cheating. This is a person you've trusted with everything, after all. Nothing cuts quite so deep.
But, like anything else, you can survive this. You might take some solace in knowing there are many people out there in the same boat as you are. I am a personal survivor of infidelity. I know of what I speak. It can be done. You have to rely on yourself. That can be the hardest thing you have to understand.
Here's what's crucial that you need to know:
Don't be an ostrich.
By that I mean, don't stick your head in the stand and think this is going to take of itself. It won't. You've caught your spouse cheating. That demands your attention and that you act in way that is in your best interest. You may be used to thinking in terms of yourself in a unit with your partner, but right now that needs to change. You need to be concerned for yourself and your personal well-being.
Talk about it.
When you've caught a spouse cheating, this is easier said than done. You've mad. Hopping mad and you want to vent. You're partner is going to have absorb that for a bit, but then it's time to move on. Why? Why did you do it? If you can get an honest answer to that without the shame or guilt, you may be on your way to having a better relationship than the one you had before.
Understand why it happened.
It's a mistake to assume that a spouse cheating is caused by something you did or didn't do. People cheat for any number of reasons, from poor sexual impulse control to needing emotional intimacy they aren't getting at home. Ask what he was looking for in the affair. Knowing why will keep you from constantly blaming yourself. Even if it did have something to do with you, knowing what will help you correct it, which is the healthy, instead of sitting around thinking, "I should have"
Don't run it into the ground.
You have to do this to survive. Otherwise, you're going to be driven directly to the nuthouse. You've caught your spouse cheating. What about now? What are they saying? What is their intent? If they are still pursuing the affair, then adios. But, more than likely want they want is a better relationship with you. How you going to get there?
Let the destruction live somewhere else.
Give yourself time to be pissed. You should, but you can't live there forever. At some point it's going to be time to move on and ask yourself and the spouse cheating some tough questions. And, don't retaliate against the other person. Be bigger than that and better than the situation you're forced to handle. Your personal integrity will get a huge boost if you do.
Enjoy some fantasies about revenge, then let them go. Sure, you'll want to get back at him. Who wouldn't? Indulge yourself a little by thinking about how you'd do it. An affair of your own with that guy from the office? E-mailing all your friends with the sordid details? But don't actually do it (and don't spend too much time thinking about it). The only one that hurts is you.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
Although you've caught a spouse cheating, there are brighter days ahead. Know that happiness and joy still abounds. Sometimes all it takes is a simple turn of the head.
But, like anything else, you can survive this. You might take some solace in knowing there are many people out there in the same boat as you are. I am a personal survivor of infidelity. I know of what I speak. It can be done. You have to rely on yourself. That can be the hardest thing you have to understand.
Here's what's crucial that you need to know:
Don't be an ostrich.
By that I mean, don't stick your head in the stand and think this is going to take of itself. It won't. You've caught your spouse cheating. That demands your attention and that you act in way that is in your best interest. You may be used to thinking in terms of yourself in a unit with your partner, but right now that needs to change. You need to be concerned for yourself and your personal well-being.
Talk about it.
When you've caught a spouse cheating, this is easier said than done. You've mad. Hopping mad and you want to vent. You're partner is going to have absorb that for a bit, but then it's time to move on. Why? Why did you do it? If you can get an honest answer to that without the shame or guilt, you may be on your way to having a better relationship than the one you had before.
Understand why it happened.
It's a mistake to assume that a spouse cheating is caused by something you did or didn't do. People cheat for any number of reasons, from poor sexual impulse control to needing emotional intimacy they aren't getting at home. Ask what he was looking for in the affair. Knowing why will keep you from constantly blaming yourself. Even if it did have something to do with you, knowing what will help you correct it, which is the healthy, instead of sitting around thinking, "I should have"
Don't run it into the ground.
You have to do this to survive. Otherwise, you're going to be driven directly to the nuthouse. You've caught your spouse cheating. What about now? What are they saying? What is their intent? If they are still pursuing the affair, then adios. But, more than likely want they want is a better relationship with you. How you going to get there?
Let the destruction live somewhere else.
Give yourself time to be pissed. You should, but you can't live there forever. At some point it's going to be time to move on and ask yourself and the spouse cheating some tough questions. And, don't retaliate against the other person. Be bigger than that and better than the situation you're forced to handle. Your personal integrity will get a huge boost if you do.
Enjoy some fantasies about revenge, then let them go. Sure, you'll want to get back at him. Who wouldn't? Indulge yourself a little by thinking about how you'd do it. An affair of your own with that guy from the office? E-mailing all your friends with the sordid details? But don't actually do it (and don't spend too much time thinking about it). The only one that hurts is you.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
Although you've caught a spouse cheating, there are brighter days ahead. Know that happiness and joy still abounds. Sometimes all it takes is a simple turn of the head.
About the Author:
Are you currently Surviving Infidelity, then visit www.infidelity-crystalball.com to find the best advice on how to deal with a Spouse Cheating
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